Surviving Adulthood: Learning on the Job

As I write this, the song Adulthood na Scam by Lade is playing in the background. This song has been living rent-free in my head for some time now because it’s been that kinda of week, y’all. One of those weeks where you find yourself staring into space wondering why you ever wanted to grow up in the first place. Remember when we were kids, pretending to be adults, playing “mummy and daddy” games, putting fake phones to our ears, and complaining about imaginary bills like it was fun? Good times. Sweet, sweet ignorance.

Fast-forward to now, and I find myself budgeting toilet paper, researching how to make NAFDAC-approved stew on a budget, and wondering why electricity units disappear faster than a guest at a Nigerian wedding after the jollof finishes. Adulting, ladies and gentlemen, is not for the weak. And yet, here we are, standing, wobbling sometimes, but standing still.

There are things people told us about growing up, like getting a job, paying rent, and possibly getting married. But what they didn’t prepare us for are the in-betweeners—those awkward, confusing, bittersweet life lessons that sneak up on you. So grab a drink (because you probably need one), and let’s talk about the stuff no one told us about navigating adulthood.

1. The Loneliness No One Mentions

Let’s start here, because I think most of us feel it more than we’re willing to admit. Nobody warned us that adulthood would come with so much… quiet. Not the good kind of quiet that brings peace, but the kind that settles in when everyone is BUSY with their lives and nobody checks in anymore. Group chats dry up. Friends move cities or countries. Some get married and disappear into coupledom, while others are buried in work or parenting. Suddenly, the people you used to do life with are just people you “used to know.”

And it’s not that anyone did anything wrong; it’s just life. It moves. People shift. And you’re left wondering if the silence is normal or if you missed the memo on how to stay emotionally connected as an adult. 🤷‍♀️

2. Work-Life Balance Feels Like A Myth

Oh, the sweet lie we believed! That we’d get a 9-5, come home, work out, eat salad, watch TV, read a book, and sleep by 10 p.m. Please, make it stop.

What they don’t tell you is that adulthood often begins with work bleeding into every part of your life. You wake up thinking about deadlines and go to bed drafting emails in your head. And if you’re a freelancer or working remotely, good luck figuring out where work ends and life begins.

But here’s the real sting, you get to a point where you force balance. Not because it’s hippie lingo, but because your sanity literally depends on it. You start saying “NO,” you log off, you protect your weekends like your life depends on it (because, honestly, it kind of does). You realise balance isn’t given. It’s built—clumsily and with effort.

3. Money Management Is More Than Budgeting

Remember when we thought adult money meant buying whatever we wanted? Lmao. The reality is, adult money disappears before you even touch it. Rent, electricity, food (how is food this expensive?), data, emergency repairs, contributions for so-and-so’s wedding, and then the inevitable “Do you have small something?” text from a cousin you haven’t spoken to in months.

Nobody really warned us that managing money isn’t just about knowing how to budget but also knowing how to say ‘No,’ delay gratification, and live below your means when all your social media friends seem to be living in luxury.

And don’t get me started on taxes, pensions, and health insurance, things that sounded like distant thunder when we were younger but now hover over us like a cloud we can’t outrun.

4. You’ll Redefine Success—Multiple Times

At 23, success meant getting your dream job. At 26, it meant moving into your own apartment. At 31, it might mean quitting said job and prioritising peace of mind. The point is, success keeps evolving.

One of the rudest shocks of adulthood is realising that not everything you once dreamt of will feel fulfilling once you get it. You may land that “perfect” job and still feel empty. You might move to a big city and feel lonelier than ever. And yet, it’s in those disappointments that you begin to define success on your terms—not society’s, not your parents’, and definitely not Instagram’s.

5. Friendships Take Work

Childhood friendships happened by proximity: classmates, neighbours, youth groups. But adulthood? Oh no, you now have to schedule a connection. Adult friendships are like plants—if you don’t water them (intentionally), they die.

And even with effort, some friendships fade. You realise that values don’t align anymore. Or that you’ve both changed too much to meet each other where you used to. That’s okay. Painful? Yes. But also necessary. Making peace with friendship breakups is a big part of adulting. You learn to love people from afar and create space for the ones who show up and stay.

6. Rest Is Not Laziness

We were raised on hustle. Grind culture. “No food for a lazy man.” So we internalised guilt for resting. But adulthood teaches you the hard way. Burnout doesn’t care about your to-do list. You will crash if you don’t pause.

Rest is not a reward for productivity. It’s a requirement for sustainability. So take the nap. Switch off the notifications. Take the vacation, yes, even if it’s just staying home in your pyjamas for two days. You are not a machine. You don’t have to earn rest. You deserve it.

7. Your Parents Are People

This one hits differently. There comes a point where you stop seeing your parents as superheroes and start seeing them as people: flawed, scared, and often just doing their best. Sometimes they did great. Sometimes they messed up. Sometimes both are true at once.

Adulthood invites you to understand them better and make peace with their imperfections. You learn to love them anyway or from a distance if necessary. And if you’re lucky, you begin to build an adult relationship with them. One based on mutual understanding, not just authority.

8. Everything Takes Longer Than You Think

Getting a job, finding the right partner, healing from heartbreak, growing your savings, building a skill—it all takes time. Much longer than we expected. And it’s frustrating. Yes. You feel like you’re falling behind when everyone else seems to be sprinting ahead.

But the truth is, most people are figuring it out in real-time. They’re just not broadcasting the messy parts. Patience becomes your most prized possession. You learn to clap for others while waiting for your turn and to trust that what’s yours won’t miss you.

9. Nobody Really Has It All Together

The older you get, the more you realise everyone is winging it. The person with the luxury car may be in debt. The one in a high-rise apartment might be unhappy. The married couple you envy may be fighting behind closed doors.

Adulthood teaches you not to idolise anyone’s highlight reel. You learn to appreciate your own journey, with all its detours, delays, and divine surprises. You stop chasing perfection and start seeking authenticity.

After all is said and done,

Adulthood isn’t a scam entirely, but it does come with fine print no one ever gave us. The trick is learning to read it. To pace yourself. To find your people (your tribe) and to not lose your joy in the chaos.

You keep showing up. You give yourself grace. You cry sometimes and laugh even harder. You forgive yourself for the days you mess up. You drink water, call your people, take walks, set boundaries, and occasionally indulge in your pet peeves, even if that means eating noodles at 2 a.m. Why? Because life is lifing!

One day, you’ll look around and realise you’re doing it. You’re actually adulting. Not perfectly, but fully, and that’s something to be proud of.

So, if this week has been heavy, if the bills have been billing and responsibilities feel like weights on your shoulder, just know you’re not alone. We’re all figuring it out, one grown-up decision at a time.

And if you’re wondering, yes, the song is still playing because, Adulthood na (partial) scam 😉, but here we are. Still standing.

To everyone out there who lost their childhood, everyone who was flung into adulthood by circumstances beyond their control, I pray life rewards you beautifully.

Stay frosty!

Check out Lade – Adulthood (Live performance) – Echoroom

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