Houseguest Etiquette
Growing up in Nigeria, having people in your house was almost as normal as having furniture. Doors stayed open, sometimes literally, and family or friends could show up any day of the week. I’m not talking about a planned visit with a start date and end date neatly marked on the calendar. I mean unannounced arrivals. You’d hear a knock at the gate, open it, and there would be an uncle, a cousin, or a family friend with a small bag in hand and a smile that said, “I’ll be here for a while.”
And “a while” could mean anything: a weekend, a month, or, in some cases, years. You didn’t need a hotel when you had relatives. In the culture I grew up in, asking a guest when they planned to leave was not just rude, it was unthinkable. You adjusted your life around them, no matter the size of your space or how full your schedule was. Meals were stretched, sleeping arrangements reshuffled, and somehow everyone managed to coexist.
This tradition was part of our communal way of life. You didn’t just belong to your parents, you belonged to the family. Aunties, uncles, grandparents, and even family friends had some level of say in your upbringing. And homes reflected that openness.
That open-door way of living is still alive, though maybe not as common as before. The rise of “this is my space” and more individualistic mindsets has changed things, but many of us still keep our doors open for family and close friends we trust.
That said, times have changed enough that simply showing up and expecting everything to bend around you isn’t as welcome as it used to be. Being a houseguest now comes with a bit more awareness, and frankly, some etiquette. Because no matter how close you are to the host, there’s a way to be a guest that makes you a joy to have around and a way that guarantees they’ll never invite you again.
Let’s talk about how to be the kind of houseguest who is remembered fondly, not as that person who drained our fridge and patience.
1. Call or Write Before You Visit
Even if it’s your sibling, best friend, or the cousin you grew up sharing a room with, the days of turning up at someone’s doorstep unannounced are mostly over. People have busier schedules now. Some work from home and can’t entertain during the day. Others have kids with routines that would make a military officer proud.
A simple phone call or text before you visit goes a long way. It’s not about formality only, it’s about respect. It gives your host a chance to prepare, both practically and mentally. They may need to pick up extra food, clear space for you to sleep, or even just brace themselves for company if they’ve been craving alone time.
And if they say, “This weekend won’t work, can we do next weekend instead?”, don’t take it personally. It’s better to be welcomed warmly later than to force your way into an inconvenient moment.
2. Don’t Show Up Empty-Handed
You don’t have to turn up with a suitcase full of gifts, but showing up empty-handed can feel thoughtless.
If they have kids, it could be small snacks, colouring books, or even a packet of biscuits. If they’re food lovers, a bottle of juice, a pack of chin chin, or some fresh fruit works beautifully. It’s not the price tag that matters but the thought.
Trivia: If you know your host’s tastes, tailor your gift to them. If not, stick to safe, shareable items. And whatever you do, don’t hand them something that will create extra work for them (like a plant that needs constant attention when they barely have space for the ones they already own).
3. Offer to Help Around the House
It’s easy to slip into “guest mode” and expect to be served, but the best houseguests know when to pitch in. If you notice something needs doing and it’s within reason, do it. Help the kids with homework if you can, carry the shopping in from the car, or clear the table after dinner.
Be helpful without making a production of it. When you can, ease the load on your host without drawing attention to it. It’s the silent, thoughtful gestures that make a guest unforgettable in the best way.
4. Respect the Household’s Rhythm
Every home has its own flow. Maybe they eat dinner at 7pm sharp. Maybe Sunday mornings are for church and nothing else. Maybe mornings are quiet because everyone is praying or meditating. Pay attention to these unspoken patterns and blend in as much as possible.
It’s tempting to live on your own schedule when you’re a guest, but that’s a fast track to making life harder for your hosts. If everyone’s up by 6 a.m., don’t sleep till noon unless you’ve asked. If the family doesn’t watch TV during meals, don’t be the one who breaks that rule.
Fitting into their rhythm instead of making them adjust to yours is a sign of respect and adaptability.
5. Keep Private Matters Private
This should go without saying, but it’s worth stating clearly: what happens in someone’s home while you’re staying there is not fodder for gossip. If you witness disagreements, financial struggles, or even sensitive conversations, keep them within those walls. You are a temporary insider. Respect that privilege.
Resist the temptation to relay every detail to outsiders or other family members. Not only does it breach trust, but it can also damage relationships permanently.
6. Stay Neutral in Family Issues
Sometimes you might find yourself in the middle of family tension, especially if you’re staying with a couple or relatives who aren’t getting along.
Here’s the golden rule: don’t take sides. Listen if someone confides in you, but avoid fuelling the fire or making judgements. Your job as a guest is to be a peaceful presence, not an extra problem.
7. Be Financially Thoughtful
You don’t have to contribute like a co-tenant, but you can ease some of the financial burden your stay might create. This could be picking up groceries unprompted, paying for takeout one evening, or even topping up data if the household relies on a shared Wi-Fi connection.
Again, the key is subtlety. Do it without making a big announcement of it. Your host will notice and appreciate it far more than you realise.
8. Be Mindful of Shared Spaces
Whether you’re in a guest room or sharing a space, keep your belongings neat. No one wants to navigate around your scattered clothes or personal items.
If you use the bathroom, leave it clean for the next person. If you finish something in the fridge, let your host know or replace it.
A neat guest is a welcome guest.
9. Read the Room
Part of being a great guest is knowing when to engage and when to give your hosts breathing space. If they’re clearly having a busy day, maybe keep your socialising short. If they’re chatty and relaxed, join in and enjoy the moment.
The best guests have an intuitive sense of when to be present and when to step back — a skill that can make or break your stay.
10. Know When It’s Time to Leave
Some people overstay without realising it. The initial excitement of your arrival will fade, and daily routines will call.
Don’t linger past your welcome. Even if your hosts love having you, every visit has a natural end point. Leaving before they start to feel overstretched means they’ll remember your visit warmly and be more likely to invite you again.
Before you leave, thank them sincerely. If possible, follow up with a text the next day, or even a little thank-you gift can seal the good memories.
Hospitality is a beautiful thing, especially in cultures where opening your home is a gesture of love, not just convenience. But even the most open-hearted welcome can wear thin if the guest forgets to be considerate.
Being a houseguest is a privilege, not a right. Whether you’re staying for one night or three months, your goal is simple: to make your presence a joy, not a burden.
You don’t have to be flawless to be a wonderful houseguest. What matters is awareness, respect, and giving back in ways that make your host glad they opened their door to you. If you can do that, you’ll be the kind of guest people are happy to see walk through their door and sad to see leave.
Stay frosty.
