In many African cultures, polygamy is not a strange idea. It was once a respected practice, woven into the traditions of men who saw wealth, strength, and power as the license to have more than one wife. In some communities, it was a symbol of prestige. A man’s influence was partly measured by how many wives and children he had. However, beyond the public admiration and respect that often surrounded such households, those who grew up in them or have seen them up close know that the story inside the home is often far from peaceful.
Today, a new wave of polygamy is unfolding. It’s no longer about traditional expectations or the dignity of culture. It has taken a new form, one wrapped in filters, captions, and hashtags. You see it across social media; smiling faces, designer clothes, luxury vacations, children in matching outfits, and captions about love, peace, and family unity. Recently, as the curtains start to fall on some of these public displays, many have begun to realise that not all that glitters on the timeline is gold.
It’s interesting how social media has changed how people present their lives. It gives room for illusion; the illusion that everything is fine, that everyone is happy, that wealth and love can silence pain or insecurity. In the case of polygamous unions, this illusion becomes even stronger. A few high-profile figures in Nigeria have built public images around their seemingly blissful polygamous lives. They’ve posted smiles so wide, words so sweet, and scenes so well curated that many began to believe polygamy could actually work if the people involved were “mature” enough. But time, as always, has a way of revealing what pretense hides.
In truth, African history tells a different story about polygamy. While it was a cultural norm in the past, it rarely came without its battles. Wives competing for attention. Children growing up with resentment. Subtle rivalries that never ended. Jealousy dressed up as tolerance. The reality, in most cases, was far from the harmony people now claim to have perfected.
You only need to talk to people who grew up in such homes to understand. Many will tell you stories of mothers who suffered silently, of stepmothers who were kind in public but cruel in private, of siblings who could never truly see themselves as one family. The seeds of division were planted early, and they grew deep. Sometimes the father himself was the cause, giving more attention to one wife than the others, spending more on one set of children, or letting gossip and manipulation rule the home.
So, when some people today post videos of polygamy as if it’s a fun experiment or a new romantic trend, you can’t help but wonder what changed. Has human nature suddenly evolved to handle jealousy and favoritism better? Has money suddenly become the cure for emotional imbalance? Or are we simply seeing people trying to convince the world and themselves that what is hard can be made easy with a smile and a good camera angle?
The truth is, the old struggles of polygamy haven’t disappeared. They have only been covered with modern packaging. And lately, those packages have begun to tear open, revealing the same issues that existed generations ago, except now, they’re playing out in front of millions of viewers.
When two or more women share a man, no matter how peaceful things appear, the human heart rarely cooperates fully. There’s always a subtle competition for love, time, and validation. Even if the man tries to be fair, emotions are unpredictable. It’s easy to promise equality when everyone is smiling, but much harder to maintain when one wife gets more attention, or one child gets more praise.
Social media only makes this worse. It invites the public into what should be a private space. Every post becomes a message to prove something. A calculated attempt to prove happiness, unity, or perfection. The audience cheers and calls it goals, but behind the curated smiles, the cracks slowly begin to show.
It’s a strange thing how people fight to convince the world that their choices are perfect. Why should anyone need to prove happiness? If you are truly content, you don’t need to perform it. Yet, that’s what social media has done to relationships today. Everything has become a show: love, loyalty, even forgiveness. Within polygamous homes, this show often turns into a competition for who can post the happiest picture.
Happiness is not a competition. It is not something you measure by likes or comments or reposts.
Many of the loudest promoters of polygamy today come across as people trying to rewrite the narrative to show that modern polygamy can be beautiful, equal, and fulfilling. Maybe, in some rare cases, it truly can. But too often, what begins as “everyone is happy” turns into silent bitterness. You see women trying to mask their pain with makeup and designer dresses, men pretending to be at peace while struggling to manage the storms they created, and children watching it all unfold, learning lessons they will carry for life.
It is almost ironic how history keeps repeating itself. The older generation lived polygamy because that was the culture. The new generation is doing it for clout, attention, or control, and in both cases, the cost remains the same; emotional instability, rivalry, and broken homes.
Nigeria, in particular, has recently witnessed some of these dramas play out publicly. A few well-known figures, one a politician with a large family, another an entertainer with a highly publicised love life, have found themselves at the center of messy situations that began with glamorous portrayals of love and unity. A large part of the public initially clapped and admired their “modern polygamy”, but as truth trickled out, people started to see that it wasn’t as blissful as it was presented.
It’s a lesson, really. No matter how much wealth or influence you have, no amount of money can buy emotional balance or harmony in a divided home. Affluence can decorate the house, but it cannot heal the heart.
Many people who watched these stories unfold have begun to ask themselves questions. Why do we glorify chaos? Why do we celebrate things we know often end in tears? Is it because social media makes everything look glamorous? Or are we simply fascinated by drama?
There’s also the question of why some people go into polygamy in the first place. For some, it’s cultural pride. For others, it’s ego, and for a few, it’s the illusion that love can conquer all. But love alone cannot sustain a polygamous marriage or any marriage at all. It takes a rare kind of maturity; the kind that puts ego aside and genuinely treats every person involved with fairness and respect. That’s not something most people are built for.
Even religion, which many cite as justification, never promised that polygamy was easy. The same scriptures that permit it also warn about justice, balance, and responsibility, things that are easier said than done.
You can’t run a polygamous home the way you run a company. Human beings are not projects to be managed. Feelings don’t follow logic. No matter how strong or spiritual one claims to be, emotion will always find its way in.
Yet, here we are, in an age where every relationship must be proven online. Couples don’t just love each other quietly anymore; they must announce it. They must prove it with photos, captions, and PDA moments. But when the love turns sour, the same public becomes the judge and jury.
That’s the irony of modern relationships. We invite the world into our happiness but expect privacy in our pain.
Fundamentally, polygamy is not the problem. The problem is disguising its flaws and selling it as a cornerstone of harmony. Pretending that jealousy doesn’t exist, that competition doesn’t sting, that attention can be divided equally, and that social media validation can make up for emotional imbalance.
Many people who once praised polygamous couples online are now watching in silence as those unions crumble under the weight of reality. The lesson here is not about mocking anyone’s marriage, but about seeing the truth for what it is. Some things cannot be polished with publicity.
Every system has its flaws, but polygamy demands more strength than most people have. It’s easy to quote culture and religion. It’s harder to live the consequences day after day. And when you throw social media into the mix, the pressure multiplies.
What’s even more troubling is how young people are beginning to romanticise it. They see the wealth, the luxury, the confidence of those involved, and think it’s a new definition of freedom or empowerment. But freedom without peace is still bondage.
In real life, peace doesn’t come from proving people wrong. It comes from being content, whether in monogamy or polygamy, without needing an audience. The happiest people don’t announce it; they live it quietly.
It’s easy to say love wins, but in a home where hearts are divided, someone always loses.
So maybe the point is not to condemn those who choose polygamy, after all, culture allows it, religion permits it, and adults are free to choose their paths. Even so, let’s be honest enough to say it’s not for everyone. And certainly not for those who care more about appearances than peace.
The true story of every marriage is written when the cameras go off and reality begins, not on social media and definitely not in interviews.
Conclusively, polygamy may have been a way of life in Africa’s past, but it came with lessons that should not be ignored. Lessons about fairness, contentment, and the limits of the human heart. It’s unfortunate that instead of learning from history, many today are trying to relive it with a glossy finish. Nonetheless, we have seen time and again, pretence can only last for so long before truth takes the stage.
If there’s one thing these recent happenings have reminded us of, it’s that peace is felt and lived, not performed. You either have it or you don’t. And no matter how loud the performance, the truth always finds a way to break through the applause.
Stay frosty.
Very interesting