Most African cultures have long believed that giving the dead a proper funeral helps ease their passage to the afterlife. Burial rites were never treated casually. They carried deep spiritual meaning, cultural weight, and emotional significance. Across many communities, funerals served as a final act of respect to the departed and a way for the living to gather, mourn, and support one another through loss.
I have personally had conversations with older people and have heard many others affirm that in the not-too-recent past, burials were never this expensive. Death was not an occasion that demanded grand displays or competitive entertainment. It was a solemn passage. It was a time that called for sober reflection, shared grief, and communal support.
In those days, bereaved families were not expected to carry the burden alone. In fact, many communities believed that grief itself was already too heavy for the mourning family to bear. Neighbours, friends, relatives, and well-wishers came with food items to sustain the home during mourning. The community fed the bereaved because compassion stood at the centre of the funeral culture.
Today, the story has changed dramatically. Bereaved homes have increasingly become places people attend with expectations of food, drinks, entertainment, and souvenirs. Guests arrive in large numbers, not always to comfort the grieving, but to consume. Some complain openly about the quality of food served. Others compare funeral ceremonies like event critics reviewing parties. There are even cases where people fight over portions of food, drinks, or souvenirs.
One cannot help but ask, when and why exactly did funerals become social competitions?
Many funerals now resemble elaborate celebrations where families are judged based on the quantity of food served, the variety of drinks available, the decoration of canopies, the number of cows slaughtered, the quality of live bands, and the souvenirs distributed to guests. People sit through funeral ceremonies comparing them to the last burial they attended. If the event does not meet their personal standards, they discuss it with surprising boldness, sometimes within earshot of grieving relatives.
Many families now feel pressured to provide gift items for guests to take home; in addition to customised wrappers, expensive keepsakes, branded items, and countless packages have become common expectations in some communities. One would think it was a wedding reception or a lavish anniversary celebration.
Funerals were never meant to become parties. They were meant to be moments of solidarity. Moments where humanity showed itself in its purest form. Moments where people gathered not because of what they could eat or drink, but because someone somewhere had lost a loved one.
Unfortunately, society has slowly transformed grief into performance. The emotional damage this creates is enormous, but the financial consequences are even worse.
Many bereaved families are crushed under the weight of funeral expenses at the same time they are struggling with the emotional pain of losing someone dear to them. Families borrow money, sell lands, empty savings, take loans, and plunge themselves into debt to organise what society calls a “befitting burial”.
The phrase “befitting burial” has become one of the most dangerous social expectations in many African societies today. What exactly qualifies as befitting?
Years ago, a proper funeral simply meant giving the deceased a respectful farewell according to cultural customs or the religion he practised. It did not require excessive spending or public spectacle. Today, the standard has shifted so dramatically that modest funerals are sometimes interpreted as shameful, even when the family is struggling financially.
There are families who spend years recovering from a single burial ceremony. Others have postponed burying their loved ones for months or even years because they cannot afford the kind of funeral society now expects. Bodies remain in mortuaries accumulating fees while relatives desperately gather funds for ceremonies they cannot truly afford. In some places, funerals stretch across several days or even an entire week. That means days upon days of feeding guests, providing drinks, hiring musicians, renting equipment, and entertaining crowds.
All of this happens while the family itself is grieving. It is deeply troubling that the living are being punished financially in the name of honouring the dead.
Culture is important. Tradition and respecting the dead matters. Yet culture loses its meaning when it becomes oppressive. Traditions are meant to strengthen communities, not impoverish them.
Somewhere along the line, public opinion has become more important than genuine mourning.
Families now organise funerals with fear in mind. Fear of being mocked. Fear of being labelled stingy or disrespectful. Fear of community criticism. Fear of comparisons. So they spend beyond their means trying to satisfy people who, in many cases, will forget the event within days and move on to the next funeral gathering.
What makes the situation even more painful is that many of those demanding lavish treatment contribute little or nothing toward the funeral expenses. Some attend merely to satisfy social obligations or to enjoy free food and entertainment. Meanwhile, the immediate family is left to carry debts long after the mourners have disappeared.
This culture of extravagant funerals also creates unhealthy pressure on younger generations. Children grow up believing that love for a deceased parent must be proven through expensive ceremonies. Families compete with one another. Communities measure success by funeral attendance and entertainment value rather than compassion or support. Grief has gradually become commercialised.
The saddest part is that many people privately admit they dislike these expectations, yet they continue participating because “that is how things are done”. This cycle continues because too few people are willing to challenge it openly.
This is a call for us to return to moderation.
A funeral should not leave families financially destroyed. Mourning should not become an avenue for social performance. There is nothing dishonourable about a simple burial carried out with dignity, love, and sincerity.
Communities need to revive the spirit of genuine support that once existed. Instead of arriving with empty hands and oversized expectations, people should remember that funerals are first about comforting the living and honouring the dead. The culture of contributing food, financial assistance, emotional support, and practical help should take precedence over criticism and consumption.
Religious leaders, traditional rulers, elders, and community influencers also have a role to play in reshaping these harmful expectations. Conversations about moderation should happen openly. Families should be encouraged to organise ceremonies within their means without fear of ridicule.
There is no dignity in forcing grieving people into debt. There is no honour in measuring love by extravagance. There is no humanity in turning mourning into entertainment.
A simple funeral does not reduce the worth of the deceased. Love cannot be measured by the number of cows slaughtered or the quantity of drinks distributed. Respect is not hidden inside expensive souvenirs. Sometimes the most meaningful farewell is one carried out with sincerity, prayer, togetherness, and peace of mind.
Death will always remain one of life’s most painful realities. The least society can do is stop adding unbearable financial pressure to people already carrying emotional pain.
We should all reflect on this: when someone loses a loved one, do we truly come to support them, or have we simply become guests expecting to be entertained?
Until African societies begin answering that question honestly, many families will continue suffering silently under the crushing burden of funerals that were never meant to become spectacles in the first place.
Stay frosty.
