“Growth is uncomfortable; you have to embrace the discomfort if you want to expand.”
Do you know how difficult it is to connect with someone way above you if you don’t yet carry the kind of value they need? It’s like knocking on a glass door, waving and smiling while they sip coffee and chat with people who are already moving at their pace. It’s not that they’re mean or unapproachable. They’re just busy. They’re deep in the journey with people who have been through the same paths, and many times, those people aren’t strangers. They’re old friends. Former classmates. Fellow dreamers. People they grew up with. Horizontal connections, sometimes called Sideways connections.
We don’t talk about that enough, do we?
We spend so much time looking up that we forget to look around. We chase the stars, trying to shake hands with the big names, hoping for a single introduction that will change our lives. We rehearse our elevator pitches, polish our resumes, and slide into DMs with fingers crossed, thinking maybe, just maybe, someone important will notice. But here’s a little truth bomb: proximity to success doesn’t guarantee success. And being seen by someone influential doesn’t automatically make you valuable in their eyes.
And that’s why I want to write to you today about horizontal growth.
What is Horizontal Growth?
Horizontal growth means building meaningful, strategic, and mutually beneficial relationships with your peers, colleagues, or people on your current level or in similar roles, rather than focusing only on connecting with the big names or mentors. This is the kind of growth that’s not flashy, not glamorous, and definitely not viral, but this is the growth that quietly builds the foundation of real success. It’s the growth that happens when you connect with the people around you, the ones on your level, the ones who, just like you, are building, dreaming, failing, starting again, and figuring it all out.
These people become your tribe, your future collaborators, co-founders, teammates, accountability partners, and maybe even lifelong friends. That’s where horizontal growth happens. It’s not about chasing titles. It’s about watering the relationships right beside you—the ones that, when nurtured, can grow into something surprisingly rich, real, and rewarding.
Think of all the names we know today. The big tech founders, the major fashion icons, the award-winning artists, the high-flying executives. What many people miss is that a lot of them didn’t start alone. They had someone, who might have been a friend, a colleague, or a fellow dreamer. In fact, more often than not, they had a circle, a support system, not of bosses or mentors (though those helped too), but of peers.
Here’s the thing: people at the top rarely reach down unless there’s a compelling reason. Not because they’re evil or selfish or cold-hearted. Most of them are just busy. Their world is moving fast. Their time is split in a million directions. And when they do look around, it’s mostly toward others who are already near their level. People they know, people they grew up with, people who bring value now because they’ve already built something together over time.
That’s why trying to network upward, while not a bad thing, can be exhausting and often fruitless if you’re not bringing anything substantial to the table yet. You might find yourself constantly chasing, sending cold DMs, showing up at events, trying to get noticed… and still being invisible.
But networking sideways? That’s where the magic really begins.
Why Horizontal Growth Is Powerful
When you grow with people, you build trust. You share journeys. You root for each other. You refer each other. You open doors for one another. And the bond runs deeper because you didn’t meet at the finish line; you met during the hustle, in the trenches, when everything was uncertain and nothing was guaranteed. Horizontal relationships often feel more natural and lead to richer, long-term collaborations. Some of the best startup teams, partnerships, or viral ideas came from friends, colleagues, or classmates—not CEOs.
So yes, go ahead and reach for mentors. Ask for guidance. Learn from the best. But don’t lose sight of what’s right in front of you—people who get you, people who are building too, people who might just need someone to believe in them the same way you do.
Let me tell you of this: when you finally get that introduction to a “big shot” and you don’t have value to offer, that connection goes cold—fast. It’s not personal. It’s just business. But when you become the kind of person who has grown, who has a body of work, who has something tangible, those introductions become warm. People at the top start noticing you without you asking. You become the kind of person they want to collaborate with. Because you’ve become a force that attracts.
I’m not here to say that connecting upwards doesn’t work. It does. But it’s not everything. And too many people are neglecting the most powerful growth tool they already have: their peers.
Think about how many cold pitches you’ve sent to people who didn’t respond. Think about how many times you’ve hoped someone would discover you, promote you, or invest in you just because you were passionate. And then think about how your friend—yes, your regular everyday friend—shared your posts, told someone about your work, or even showed up to support you. That matters. And it is in those consistent, authentic, peer-driven connections that doors quietly begin to open.
You might be eyeing someone “above” you, thinking they hold your breakthrough, but the real key might be sitting across from you on a random Tuesday Zoom call or in a Telegram group chat you nearly muted. Opportunities rarely arrive with flashing lights. They come dressed as conversations, collaborations, shared struggles, and mutual wins.
So the question isn’t just “Who do you know?” It’s also “Who are you growing with?”
I say this often to myself: Don’t despise the small rooms. Those rooms where no one knows your name. Those brainstorm sessions that don’t lead to viral tweets. Those collaborations that seem like a long shot. That’s where growth is quietly happening.
Remember, everyone who is now a “big name” was once someone trying to figure it out. And chances are, they were figuring it out with someone or a handful of people.
You don’t need to go viral to be valuable. You don’t need to be famous to make an impact. You just need to start growing with the right people, at the right pace, with the right mindset.
Key Ideas Behind Horizontal Growth
Let me say this: sideways growth is not about settling. It’s not about staying in one place forever. It’s about:
Strategic community-building: Working together with your peers can open doors to joint projects, partnerships, referrals, or shared resources.
Preparing yourself for sustainable upward growth.
Building a safe support system
Creating a network of trust, not just leverage.
And the irony? When you focus on horizontal relationships, you end up rising faster. Because while others are busy knocking on closed doors, your people are building new ones, and you already have the key.
So don’t sleep on your peers. Don’t underestimate the power of mutual respect, mutual effort, and mutual dreams.
Here is something I really want to point out: Don’t just look sideways for your own benefit; be the one others can look to. When you start gaining momentum, when your efforts start bearing fruit, don’t become unreachable. Don’t become the person who only associates upward. Be the mentor you once looked for. Lend a hand. Give a word. Share an opportunity. Do not gatekeep. We all started at zero. Someone believing in us, someone giving us a shot, someone saying, “Hey, you’ve got something. Let’s build” makes all the difference. This is something I believe deeply.
Find your circle. Find the dreamers. Find the builders. Find the quiet geniuses. Invest in those relationships. Show up. Support them. Share wins. Learn together. Laugh together. Cry together if you must. Just don’t do this journey alone.
And when you rise (sure you will), remember the ones you grew with. Remember to mentor. Remember to give back. Remember that success tastes better when it’s shared.
So here’s my challenge to you: reach out to someone on your level. Not to ask for anything. Just to connect. To build. To plant a seed.
Because one day, that seed might become the tree that shelters your biggest dream, and when that day comes, it won’t be because you knew someone at the top; it’ll be because you grew with someone who rose with you.
