It starts the same way for many people. You meet someone, and there’s instant chemistry. Calls, late-night texts, inside jokes. You hang out often, share meals and some personal effects. Gradually, the late-night talks turn into long weekends together. At this point, you’re practically doing all the things couples do. Your friends start asking if it’s serious, and you shrug and say, “We’re just… you know… seeing how it goes.”
It feels like a relationship, but it’s not. Not officially. Nobody has used the words ‘boyfriend’, ‘girlfriend’, or ‘partner’. No labels, no promises, yet all the perks are there.
For many, this is what a situationship looks like. And if you’re thinking, isn’t that just friends with benefits?, you’re not wrong. The line between a situationship and a friends-with-benefits (FWB) arrangement is thin. Both exist in that space where intimacy thrives without commitment. The difference is that situationships often carry the illusion or hope of “something more”, while FWBs tend to be more blunt about what’s on the table: no commitment, just enjoyment. Everyone goes in with eyes open. Yes, sometimes one person eventually catches feelings (we’re human after all), but the agreement was honest from the start.
Still, for our generation, these blurred lines have become a common script. Which begs the question: Are situationships the new face of modern love?
A situationship is one of those terms that feels like it was invented on Twitter (X), or some other social platform. But the reality it describes has always existed: a relationship without direction.
It’s more than friendship but less than a traditional relationship. You care, but you don’t commit. You’re close, but you’re not together. It’s intimate, but undefined. And if you ask me, that’s what makes it draining. It’s a push-and-pull that leaves more hurt than happiness. In other words, it’s the grey zone of modern love — comfortable enough to stay, unclear enough to confuse.
Why Situationships Are Rising
So why are situationships everywhere now? Why does it feel like people are almost choosing them over traditional relationships?
Here are some of the real reasons:
1. Fear of Commitment
Many people are scared of commitment. Not because they don’t care, but because commitment feels like pressure. A title means expectations, responsibilities, and accountability. A situationship, on the other hand, lets you enjoy intimacy without the heavy burden of labels.
2. The Rise of Dating Apps
Tinder, Bumble, Hinge and their likes have made love feel like shopping. When you know there are hundreds of other options a swipe away, it’s harder to settle. Situationships thrive in this abundance of choice, where nobody wants to close the door on the possibility of something better.
3. Career and Personal Priorities
More people are prioritising careers, education, and personal growth over settling down. In cities like Lagos, Abuja, Nairobi, or even New York, life is moving fast. A situationship offers companionship without derailing your focus.
4. Emotional Unavailability
Let’s not forget, many people are carrying heartbreak. Jumping into a fully defined relationship feels risky. A situationship provides just enough closeness to feel connected while keeping emotional distance.
5. Social Media Influence
From TikTok to Instagram, relationships are on display like products. Many people are hesitant to announce love until they’re 100% sure. So they stay in limbo, waiting for clarity that sometimes never comes.
Why Situationships Hurt More Than They Heal
From the outside, situationships look harmless. People say, “At least you’re not lonely. At least you have someone.” But the truth is: they’re emotionally exhausting. If you’ve ever been in one, you know the emotional gymnastics involved. One moment, you’re convinced this is the real thing — after all, you’re spending weekends together, maybe even meeting friends or family. The next moment, you’re reminded you’re standing on quicksand. You can’t lean too far in without sinking.
Situationships are rife with:
- One-sided longing. One person usually starts craving more — commitment, exclusivity, reassurance. The other resists, feeling suffocated by the expectation.
- False security. You do everything a couple does, which tricks you into thinking you’re in something real. Until the reminder hits: you’re not.
- Emotional drain. The push-and-pull leaves you constantly second-guessing: “Do they like me enough? Am I overthinking? Should I walk away?”
- Unspoken boundaries. Unlike FWB, where lines are drawn, situationships have no clear start or finish. You don’t know when you’ve “crossed the line” because there was never one in the first place.
But Are Situationships Always Bad?
Not everyone sees situationships as tragic. For some, they’re the perfect middle ground.
There’s the freedom and flexibility — the ability to share closeness without the weight of heavy expectations. For others, it’s an exploration phase, a way to test compatibility before either person puts a label on it. And then there’s the simple peace over pressure: if you’re not ready for titles, a situationship can feel like comfort without commitment.
And yes, some of them do evolve into real relationships. They’re not all dead ends, though the uncertainty can be exhausting when it lingers indefinitely.
And that’s the biggest problem: humans are not built for that kind of sustained ambiguity. We need connection, yes, but we also need clarity. We thrive when we know where we stand. That’s why even people who swore “no feelings attached” often end up heartbroken in situationships. Intimacy opens the door to attachment, and once you walk through, it’s hard to go back.
Why Do We Stay in Situationships?
If they’re this draining, why do people stay?
The answers vary, but here are some truths many of us don’t admit out loud:
- Fear of Being Alone: Loneliness is hard. Having someone, even an inconsistent someone, feels better than nothing.
- The “Maybe” Factor: Many cling to the hope that things might eventually evolve. “If I just hang in there a little longer, maybe they’ll change.”
- Ego and Pride: Nobody likes to feel rejected. Leaving a situationship sometimes feels like admitting defeat.
- Convenience: Having companionship, intimacy, or even help with bills or errands can make walking away harder.
But the truth? Staying in something undefined often costs more than leaving. It chips away at your self-esteem, your peace, and your time.
The Hidden Toll of Situationships
Let’s break down the invisible costs most people don’t talk about.
- Loss of Time
Time is precious, and in a situationship, you’re often stuck in limbo. You keep waiting for “what could be” instead of making space for “what should be.” Months, sometimes years, slip by while you remain in a relationship that never truly materialises. - Confused Identity
Being with someone who won’t claim you can mess with your sense of self. You start to feel unworthy of love or think you’re asking for too much. In reality, you’re just asking for the bare minimum: clarity. - Attachment Without Assurance
Psychologists will tell you that intimacy triggers oxytocin: the bonding hormone. Whether you intend to or not, spending that much time, sharing that much closeness, creates emotional attachment. And when that attachment isn’t reciprocated, the pain cuts deeper. - Delayed Healing
Situationships don’t always end with closure. Sometimes they just fizzle out. One person stops texting, the other gets tired of chasing. And because there was never a clear relationship to end, you struggle to properly grieve it.
How to Walk Away From a Situationship
Now let’s talk about the hardest part: leaving. Walking away isn’t just about cutting ties, it’s about reclaiming yourself.
If you’ve tried nudging the relationship forward and the other person isn’t willing, here’s how to step out with your peace intact:
1. Be Honest With Yourself
Stop sugarcoating. Admit that this person cannot or will not give you what you need. Acknowledge the emotional drain. Clarity begins with honesty.
2. Lean on Your Support System
Tell your close friends or family what’s happening. Sometimes, saying it out loud to someone you trust makes the reality sink in faster. Plus, they’ll remind you of your worth when your resolve wavers.
3. Fill the Void Intentionally
The hardest part of leaving is the empty space it creates. Instead of rushing into another situationship, fill that gap with things that feed you: new hobbies, time with friends, travel, or even therapy.
4. Don’t Fear Loneliness
Being alone is not the same as being lonely. Loneliness is temporary, but the peace of self-respect lasts. Learn to enjoy your own company, even if it’s uncomfortable at first.
5. Set Clear Boundaries Post-Break
Don’t fall into the trap of half-contact. If you’ve ended it, keep the line firm. Occasional “check-ins” only pull you back into the grey zone you just escaped.
6. Remind Yourself Love Isn’t Scarce
Scarcity mentality keeps people trapped. But love is abundant. Healthy relationships exist. The right person won’t need endless convincing to commit.
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Most people in situationships eventually reach a breaking point. It often comes quietly. It’s not a dramatic heartbreak but a slow dawning that you deserve more than half-love.
Love, in its healthiest form, is not supposed to confuse you. It doesn’t leave you second-guessing your place in someone’s life. It doesn’t make you beg for clarity. So if you’re stuck in a situationship right now, here’s your gentle reminder: you deserve more. More than maybes, more than half-efforts, more than being somebody’s convenient option.
Because while companionship is nice, peace of mind is better. And love — real love — is worth waiting for.
Stay frosty!
